5 years ago

Just over 5 years ago (July 26, 2004 to be exact), I met my brother Brent for the first time. Probably sounds odd for that to be the case.

Brent is 12 years older than me. My parents were young, unmarried and my dad was in Seminary in Oklahoma when they became pregnant with him. From both families' perspectives, adoption was the only option.

My parents moved, had Brent. He was adopted and that was that. I knew nothing of it until Christmas 2003, when my mom (and then my dad one day later) told my brother Kyle and I about Brent (although at that time we didn't know his name).

The following Spring, my mother filled out the Indiana state paperwork, which Brent had filled out many years before. Brent received notice of his mother (my mother) and called her. From there, a flurry of phone calls began: mom to me, mom to Kyle, Kyle to me, Brent to Kyle, Brent to me, etc., etc.

Brent lived in Chicago. Kyle's band, Rainer Maria, was playing a show in Chicago. Brent got a stand-by airline ticket for me to Chicago through a friend of his and that's how it became that just 7 months after I was told that another brother of mine even existed, I found myself sitting at a club with Brent (my new brother -- LLB, long lost brother as we had become fond of calling him) and Kyle (the brother I had grown up with my whole life).

It was a mind-blowing and amazing experience. That has only gotten better. Getting to know Brent and his other family has enriched my life in so many ways. I've decided that this "Ten" would be dedicated to that reunion five years ago. Here's ten amazing/cool/wonderful things (in no particularly order) about having a new brother:

• Brent's generosity and kindness -- his openness as a person (and his mannerism, which are just like my dad's)
  
• Brent's parents - the Middletons - very warm and loving people that raised their son to have such an amazing spirit; they have made our reunion with him (and our experiences with them) so comfortable and easy.
• Brent's sister, Karla, who told me the first time we met that she always wanted a sister.
• Brent's new wife, Deb, a welcome addition to this every-expanding family
• Brent's awesome step-daughter, Hayley, who kept me very busy when I was in Chicago for Brent and Deb's wedding last Christmas.
• Skydiving with Brent!! - My mom decided that the best way to celebrate her 60th birthday would be jump out of a plane with her son, Brent (who is an avid skydiver). Of course, Kyle and I had to also. It was a blast!! (Though I don't know if I would do it again).
• Brent's nephews, who are my nephews too now and who both have unique personalities that I've enjoyed slowly starting to get to know.
• The Middleton-Fischer Thanksgiving when time my mom, Kyle and I first met Brent's family. There were so many incredible things about that experience. I know I will never forgot it.
• The peace that the reunion has brought to my mother.
• Having more family -- always a good thing!!
  

Pregnancy & Meditation

One of my favorite evening meditations for the baby is a derivative of a Thich Naht Hanh meditation from his amazing book, True Love: A Practice of Awakening the Heart.

It is a simple meditation where you pick a single focal point (usually within oneself -- your heart, for example) and say as you breath in - I am aware of my heart, and as you breath out - I smile at my heart.

My take on this meditation is to put both of my hands on my belly, breath in and communicate with the baby -- "Baby, I know that you are there" and as I breath out -- "Baby, I am smiling at you."

It might seem odd to some people, but I know the baby feels it and experiences it. I often feel the baby moving inside of me during these meditations and it definitely leads me (and baby) into a calm and peaceful sleep. It's amazing how simple and yet effective it is. I've struggled with meditation in the past (due to a distracted mind), but most nights this meditation comes to me very easily.

And, in keeping with my theme of Ten, I close this blog with ten lines from True Love:

So every time you have an energy
that needs to be transformed, like jealousy or fear,
do something to care for this energy, for this negative energy,
if you do not want this energy to destroy you.
Touch the seed of mindfulness, and then all of its energy
will be able to establish itself in your 'living room,'
like a mother tenderly embracing your pain. With that energy of mindfulness,you are
doing the true practice of meditation with regard to your pain, your emotions.
If you are able to maintain mindfulness for five or ten minutes, you will experience some relief right away.

Ten - An Egyptian Retrospective

It was almost exactly 10 years ago that I moved to Cairo, Egypt (6 weeks before my study abroad program would begin) and had my first encounter/experience with the Middle East. Please enjoy a list of 10 ways this experience/decision influenced my life:

10. The experience expanded my world-view and allowed me to gain a better understanding of the complexity and universality of the world.
9. I fell undeniably in love with travel and exploration and haven’t been able to stop venturing abroad since.
8. I experienced generosity and hospitality at an amazing level, which taught me to be more giving.
7. I saw first-hand the possibility that peace can exist (and has and does exist) between Israelis and Palestinians as Ramon and I celebrated Christmas in Bethlehem alongside Israelis, Palestinians, Germans, Africans and so many others from around the world, who celebrated together in an atmosphere of love and hope.
6. I gained confidence and strength as I journeyed through various parts of the Middle East alone.
5. I learned Arabic (though I must admit 10 years later, it is quite rusty and lost in the depths of my brain waiting to be recovered from years of storage).
4. I am now able to share my experience with others and breakdown many stereotypes and misconceptions that exist about the Middle East and Islam.
3. I decided that my life should be lived as a peacemaker.
2. I met amazing people who taught me a variety of wonderful things about life and gained a few lifelong friends.
1. And, of course, I met and fell in love with Ramon, who ended up being my partner in life, love, work, art and so much more. I feel so blessed to spend each day working together to grow our non-profit, to teach the arts to children, to push our creative abilities through filmmaking, to (now) be starting a family together, and to have his support and love in all that I do and to return that support and love. Being together makes each of us better.

I’m sure, there are many other ways that my trip to Egypt changed my life, but these 10 are stick out, and I am certain that when I went to Egypt, I never imagined that all of this would be the result, but I am definitely grateful that it was.

*Though it is 2009, this year for me is the year of “Ten’s” or at least a year when grouping things in Ten or thinking about things in groups of Ten has been (and continues to be dominant):

• Ramon, my wonderful life partner, and I will be celebrating 10 years together in December, at which point we should have just celebrated the birth of our first child (expected to arrive around Nov. 5)
  
• My documentary, “Ten,” which has been swirling around in my brain for almost two years, is finally really taking shape and I am applying for development funding for the project; the application is due on the 1st day of the 10th month
• I recently did a writing/visualization project a friend sent me that involved selecting 10 things I wanted (and there are many more examples of Ten's in my life.
  

With all these Ten’s swirling around and my recent awareness that my blog upkeep since my run has been less than stellar, I’ve decided to set a goal of keeping my blog simple and trying to post every 10 days with, at the very least, a list of 10 – not like David Letterman’s (I’m not that funny), but a 10 list that is relevant and important to my life. The Egyptian 10 is the first of many to come.

Election Day 2008 - Songs of Hope & Change

Today, I defer to the words (and music) of others, and am happily sharing, my Obama Election Day Music Mix. I'm burning CD copies right now to take to an Election Party tonight. Here's youtube links for the tracks. Enjoy.

Track 1 - will.i.am - Yes We Can
Track 2 - Pearl Jam - Patriot
Track 3 - Bob Dylan - The Times They Are A-Changin'
Track 4 - Alicia Keys - Superwoman
Track 5 - Dixie Chicks - I Hope
Track 6 - John Lennon - Imagine
Track 7 - Tracy Chapman - Talkin' Bout a Revolution (wish the quality was better)

And Finally, Of Course:
Track 8 - Sam Cooke - A Change is Gonna Come:

As Sam says,

It's been a long, long time coming
But I know a change gonna come
Oh, yes it is

The change is now. It's time. Vote!

When I Grow Up

"Miss Jen, when I grow up, I will name my daughter Jennifer."

A simple sentence can sometimes be enough to get one through a very challenging week (or two).

During the final week of a long school year, one of the 11 year-old students in the after-school filmmaking program I run and teach uttered that wonderful, simple sentence.

It was not the sentence in itself that held such important meaning, but also the student who spoke it. This student had driven me crazy at the beginning of the year. He could not sit still. He could not listen. He constantly tested the limits. 

Yet, through care and patience on the part of myself and my co-teacher Jim and through the power of theatre and film, this student changed.

Editing film requires a lot of patience, difficult for any 11 year-old. Yet, this student, who at the beginning of the year could not sit still for even a couple of minutes, fell in love with film. So much so, that while other students are outside on the playground, he prefers for the two of us to go inside and work on the film -- editing and selecting music. 

As I reflected on a hectic school year, I think of this particular student and of so many other students who changed as they participated in the program,  I realize that all of the challenges and moments of insanity have been worth it. 

"When I grow up, I will name my daughter Jennifer."

I reply, "When you are old enough to have a child, you won't even remember me."

"Yes, I will Miss Jen. Yes, I will," is his simple response.

He will and so will I. I will always remember him and the rest of these students. 

In lieu of regular blog updates, I'm excited to share some student projects with you - it is the best way I can think of to update you on my life.  Below are some links to YouTube projects made by students of Script 2 Screen.

Spider-man 3.5 

I.M. 

Lack of Direction

The Tale of Syxlos

All the Small Things

  

Hope, Through Grief

In late January, I found myself walking through the Mission District in San Francisco with Salwa, a Palestinian woman. We had met just the day before, yet I felt myself deeply connected to her. My heart was opening. Hers had broken.

Salwa's daughter, Abir, was killed one year ago by an Israeli rubber bullet on her way home from school. As Salwa and I walked outside, her husband, Bassam, was speaking about his work with Combatants for Peace. He presented that night alongside Elik, a former Israeli combatant. Both had suffered significant losses to the conflict that had once pitted them against one another. Now, as the co-founders of Combatants for Peace, they and other fighters, stand together, demonstrating the "unofficial" peace accord that already exists between some Israelis and Palestinians. Their organization is now building a safe play space for the children at Abir's school.

My conversation with Salwa had a resonance that can be hard to find in everyday life. Her story, and my attempts to provide her some comfort, gave a sense of purpose to all my travels in the Middle East, and my studies of the Arabic language. All those long nights of study--all those times lost in Cairo without a map--were worth it, to be able to offer her some small comfort in her native tongue. Ahlan wa Sahlan, Salwa. "[Welcome.]"

With recent increases in violence, more families are suffering pain like Salwa's. Recently 8 Israelis lost their lives in a tragic event at a Seminary in Jerusalem. In the recent invasion in Gaza, 100 Palestinians died, including children, with many more Israelis and Palestinians injured. When I hear this news, I hold fast to Elik and Bassam's commitment to not respond with violence, no matter what is happening around them. I find strength in their commitment to talk together and to build together rather than to fight. I focus my thoughts on all of the Palestinians and Israelis I have met over the last 9 years who also bravely stand beside each other even now! Brought face to face, they have found a human connection deeper than any political division. I wish that I could walk with Salwa now in Al-Quds (Jerusalem). I feel the grief of all those who have lost loved ones in this conflict, and especially of the other mothers like Salwa.

Though I am sitting safely in front of my computer in California, my heart and my thoughts fly to Jerusalem and Gaza and Siderot, to Neve Shalom/Wahat al-Salam, and over the whole region. And I am proud to join Salwa, Bassam, Elik and so many others in building a safer, more peaceful world. There is hope to overcome grief, knowing that there are already so many Palestinians and Israelis who refuse to see each other as enemies.

It has been a dark week in the Middle East, marred by loss and hatred. Yet, I cling to the love I have seen between the two sides, to the forgiveness and to the opportunities that reveal the common interests shared by supposed enemies, as we build hope and lay a foundation for peace. I know it exists. I see it. Our work continues.

If you would like to learn more about the building efforts of Combatants for Peace, which are supported by the Rebuilding Alliance, please visit http://www.rebuildingalliance.org

New Tradition, New Year

With the new year upon us now, ornaments will be taken off the family Christmas tree, packed away, and the tree itself will either be left on the curb, if it was real, or boxed away until next year, if it was not.

Today, I will be taking the ornaments off of our tree. But the tree's journey will just be beginning as I partake in a new tradition.

My co-teacher, Jim, gave Ramon and I a small potted Christmas tree. Though, he left it sitting on a table with no note, message, or explanation, Ramon and I knew it was from Jim. And it was. His daughter, my good friend Danika, told me that he only buys potted Christmas trees. It is the ecological farmer in him.

Weeks later, when we joined them on Christmas Eve for dinner, I discovered that there was more to this Christmas tree tradition when they took the ornaments and lights off of the tree and planted it in their backyard. Beautiful, I thought. While most Christmas trees' journeys are ending, this tree's journey was just beginning. Each year, when Christmas is over, the tree is planted in honor of friends and family they have lost in that year.

...Today, I will be planting the Christmas tree Ramon and I were given in honor of my friend Donna's mother, who recently passed, and of my friend Alan's family's significant loss in 2007. Donna and Alan are friends and colleagues from The Rebuilding Alliance, so this tree's life will honor not only their personal losses, but the losses of so many in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and will symbolize hope for a more peaceful future and honor the commitment of so many working tirelessly for that future.

The Good Long Road continues in 2008. I hope it will bring new traditions, new opportunities to love and to share in the act of being peace.

Happy New Year!